Anxiety isn't something I talk about much on the blog (or anywhere for that matter), but the last couple of weeks it's been harder than normal. I just wasn't feeling myself. I was overwhelmed, stressed, and didn't really see the point in anything I was doing. One night amidst the anxiousness, I decided to start another Instagram. Sure one would think adding another Instagram to the mix would make things worse, but for me it did just the trick.
The problem wasn't that I felt too busy, but that I felt busy in the wrong sorts of ways. Everything I worked on had a purpose, an end goal with timelines and checklists. I craved something that was completely pointless and completely mine just for the sake of being mine. So Homebody Dreams came to be.
In my head I see the life I want as a blend of whimsical and simplistic. Soft tones, beautiful patterns, every day a Sunday. I always feel like that was in the future if only I could get there. I wanted a place to show myself that a life like that already exists and I don't have to wait for it. It all mattered on perspective. And it's working.
Every time I log in or post a new picture I feel calm and like I'm living the life I thought was always slightly out of reach. I've started seeing my life the way I desperately wanted to see it, all because I was able to compile it in one place. After sort of forcing the first few photos I began seeing and feeling the calm everywhere. It's a wonderful feeling and the anxiety has been nudged back into the little hole where it doesn't bother me so much.
For a while I didn't share the account with anyone. I didn't want it to become another chore or something controlled by followers and likes. But over time I realized that if it could provide my overactive brain a sense of calm, it could maybe do that for someone else.
Scrolling through the photos I'm able to see the life I've always wanted, that's been around me the entire time. And that's some sort of wonderful.